For anyone that’s keeping track, today is the luckiest day of the year 7/7  …and of course that can mean only one thing.  It’s another year in this mortal coil for Ms Angela Ryan.  Yes folks today is the Living Doll’s birthday.  How old is she exactly?  Well, this author does love to bust her chops from time, especially with so many different ages listed all over the internet.  But let’s just say it’s been a while since she lost her innocence …a LONG while.  (love ya, mean it )

Speaking of old.  Angela has been working for ages putting together a rather unique Baroque themed soiree that should be one hell of good time.  Not only should you expect to see locals to dressed in period costumes, this event will feature the provocative and picturesque Darenzia and straight from the stages of America’s got Talent, the ever so posh, Prince PoppyCock.  So pull out your stockings, dust up those powdered wigs and come join Angela this Sunday to celebrate her 21st birthday for the ?th time.

Angela Ryan’s Baroque Birthday Bash

Featuring Performances by:
Darenzia (www.Darenzia.net)
Prince Poppycock (www.PrincePoppycock.com)

DJ’s Curse Mackey and Heather Michelle

Free Green Screen Guillotine Photo Booth

Costume Contest with $500 in prizes!
Ideas Include: Marie Antoinette, Marquis De Sade, French Revolutionary, Courtesan, Executioner, Lady in Waiting, Napoleon Bonaparte, King Louis XIV / XV, Bach, Madame de Pompadour, Voltaire, royal court ladies and gentlemen

Spanking booth by Athena Fatale

Qu’ils mangent de la brioche (let them eat cake!)
Free cupcakes for everyone!

The Church
2424 Swiss @ Good Lattimer
Dallas, Texas 75204

Doors open at 9:00
Admission $5 over and $10 under
free with dog tags or Church VIP

info: www.TheChurchDallas.com
tweet: TheChurchDallas

When some people think of Texas summers they picture sweltering heat and overbearing humidity.  For others it’s long lazy days by the pool with cold drinks, good food and great friends.  Both may be true, but for me the dog days of Tejas are all about one thing.  Hot women in very little clothing. 

So what will you being doing this Sunday?  For me it’s daytime relaxing and bird watching by one my local aquatic hangouts, then off to Denton for an early evening at the Dr Sketchy’s Anti Art School featuring the ever so hot and mostly naked German Dream Girl – Ms Courtney Crave:

….and of course finishing off the night with a trip back to Dallas to be part of the insanity that is Kumi Monster.  Yep Sunday’s gonna be a good day.

Forty years ago today a great man was born.  Who might you ask?  Well, if you’re an American, then you know him as Pain Solution.  Live in Europe?  Well, if you know the anything about the world of sideshow or flesh hook suspensions then you’ve probably seen the Head Master.

Although he is best known for being a mutli-talented performer, his biggest contributions have been in the world of education.  Besides teaching the art of suspension throughout the world and running a school of sideshow in Oslo, he has worked directly with the Norwegian medical community to explain the art and science behind pain and to show the positive effects of body suspension.

Yes, today is my friend Håvve Fjell‘s 40th birthday.  Unfortunately I cannot be there to celebrate with him.  However, I will be there in a few weeks for the Oslo Suscon. (In my opinion the world’s best suspension convention)

My Story of Håvve
It was December 3rd, 2000 – I had just finished a suspension performance for Torture Garden .  (Opening for Ron Athey)  During my suspension I had managed to rip my knee and was a bit distressed about how to handle the gaping wound.  I remember sitting upstairs at Body Probe Studios staring at the hole when I notice a tall bald man standing over me.

“Hello Allen, I’m Håvve”
“Nice to meet you Håvve, by chance to do have any sutures?”
Now in all honesty, the question was more of sarcastic joke.  Yes I needed to stitch my knee, but I never expected anyone to have anything that might help.
To my surprise he replied, “Yes I do”
He dug through his backpack and handed me a sterile suture pack.
“Wait.  Who are you?”
“I’m Håvve from Oslo.  We have been chatting online.”

At the time it seemed like a random encounter.  Little did I know that I had just met such an amazing person that was not only going to influence the world of suspension, but become such a good friend.

Happy Birthday Old Man

Every genre of entertainment has their superstars and the Fetish community is no exception. When it comes to modeling and performing, one name stands out like no other: Kumimonster.

Fetish–noun

1. An object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
2. Any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.
3. Psychology – Any object or non-genital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

Little Ms Kumi will be performing for the first time in Dallas, Sunday June 27th

I think the best way to describe Kumi is with a story: San Francisco – Approximately 10 years ago. It was early in the weekend. People were just arriving for the festivities better known as the San Francisco Fetish Ball. Most of the partygoers were relaxing, trying to adjust to the time change and jet lag that often plagued the international fetish community. That is of course except us. When it comes to these big events, I subscribe to the philosophy “Sleep when you’re dead.” As for my peers…well, I feel that there’s, “No rest for the wicked.” Whether it was caffeine or booze, or the fact that my partner in crime was trouble, this certain evening entailed kicking in hotel room doors and rousting the sleeping beasts. Now of course there is much to tell and most of that night’s guilty will remain unnamed, but it was Kumi that still sticks out in my head. Now, either the door was open or someone let us in, but we came crashing into the room to find Kumi passed out in her jammis and a latex hood.

“WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!”
“What the Fuck! I’m sleeping.”
“No Sleeping, Time to Drink!”
“pfffffft”

Kumi pulls the covers over her head and we decide to go searching for bigger prey. Then…..wait…..was she sleeping in a latex hood. *BANG* the door crashes back open and we pile back into the room. At this point Kumi is awake and sitting straight up in bed.

“WHAT!!!!!!!”
“Are you sleeping in a latex hood?”
“Yes”
“Um, why?”
“It’s new”
“Um, ok?”

She then proceeded to tell us how she was sleeping in her head gear because it was new and she had to. It was that day that I realized Kumi was not a weekend warrior, but a true fetishist.

For more images of Kumi, please click on the following links.
Some may be NSFW. You have been warned.

Friday April 2nd, 2010 we are bringing back the Dallas Suscon opening party Freaks & Fetish event to the Lizard Lounge in Dallas. This year’s event will showcase performers and guests from around the world:

	World champion pole dancer Pantera Blacksmith: www.panterab.blogspot.com
	An amazing act never before seen in Texas: From Finland – Snake Oil Sideshow: www.snakeoil.fi
	The return of Pain Solution: www.painsolution.net from Norway
	And our very own Lizardman (www.thelizardman.com) will be rounding out the evening as MC with his unique blend of stand up comedy and sideshow stunt work.

With all our freakish thrills and sexy frills, this is a party you won’t want to miss.
For more information and ticket prices please visit:
http://thechurchdallas.com/event.php?id=1196

To see what you missed last year visit the Church Pictures:
http://www.thechurchpictures.com/viewer/index.php?id=337

And of course a HUGE Thank You to this year’s event sponsors

So much is going on in the world of suspension right now. First of all, I finally made an announcement that the Dallas Suscon will happen again in 2010. It is scheduled for April 2-4 of 2010. The event will be similar to last year, including the big Freaks and Fetish opening party that will feature some amazing acts that Dallas has never seen.

In more recent news. Emrys and Bella from Rites of Passage just appeared on the National Geographic network last weekend. The show was entitled Humanly Impossible. The segment was short, but the science they describe pretty much hits the nail on the head when it comes to the biology and brain chemistry that surrounds suspension:

Those of you that keep up with this blog know that I’ve been promoting the Hellzapoppin sideshow coming to Dallas Thursday December 17th. Presently I’ve been focusing on the Lizardman and his book that he will be selling at the show, but I wanted to make a special shout out for another Hellzapoppin performer, the World Famous Penguin Boy. This last Monday I had the honor of hanging him for his first suspension. Photos never really show the how well people suspend, but I can assure you he hung like a pro:

And speaking about someone that hangs like a champ. Holy shit! Two days ago I opened my email to find a link to this video of Neil from the Houston AGRO team. This, my friends, is in my opinion one of the most impressive suspensions to date. Trust my folks, this is definitely one of those DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME moments:

From Neil: “This would not have happened without the help of so many of my close friends.  Arwen Rosa, Joe Amato, Tim Taylor, Kenny Hughes, Kieran Diedrich, Jill Coudray, Nicola Sands, Rick Pierceall, Miss Ouch, Roel Moreno, CoRE, AGRO, DHS, SMS, everyone who hung from me, and several others who I’m sure I forgot to mention.  I couldn’t have done this shit without help from all of them.”

People have asked if this was the first one point resurrection. Actually the first to my knowledge was done by Alice from Constant Elevation at the 2008 Oslo Suscon photo below:

Update 09/12/11: I can’t believe I forgot about Damien who was hung by Hanged Man Suspension Team in Australia. He did a single point resurrection back in early 2009, I believe.

This next video is also Damien suspending from his forearms, doing some VERY impressive aerial flips.  The clip is from a show entitled “Live Bait. ” Interesting side note, there are some old TSD button work shirts out there, circa 1998, with graphic of a doctor performing surgery holding a hook. The caption on the shirt is “Live Bait”

He may not have been the first to pull of the one point resurrection, but the tandem seen below is, I believe was a first. Yes, that’s Neil again doing a superman with 3 people hanging off him from their knees. Think that’s impressive? What you may not know is that not only was this after the one point suspension you see in the video, he also had several other people hang from him as well this day. I’m not even sure how many in total.

Man I love the suspension community …you guys never cease to amaze me!!

On December 17th Hellzapoppin will be performing at The Church Dallas Who or what is that? Simply put it’s a touring circus side show featuring: Bryce Graves, Lady Daibla, Penguin Boy, Zamora the Torture King, and the world famous Lizardman. Why should you attend this show? Well other than supporting some of our friends and freaks, you will also get a chance to pick up a limited edition of the The Lizardman’s book: Through the Modified Looking Glass It’s a great read and as a support for The Lizardman I will be posting random excerpts from the book. Below is a collection from the Q&A chapter of the book:

If you were to run for president what would your policies be?

My policies would be enough to make sure I never got elected, or at least ensure my assassination. Rather than address the myriad of issues a presidential candidate must formulate policy on, I will simply put forth one I think is most important to our future and also the one least likely to happen (which is unfortunate since I consider it absolutely necessary):

The abolishment of the legal status of corporations as individuals and/or entities in terms of liability or action. I would demand that all businesses ‘have face(s) put to them’ such that there was direct and obvious culpability for any and all operations.

Who do you think would win in a fist fight between Jerry Falwell (if he was still alive) and Christopher Hitchens?

I would certainly have more points of agreement with Hitchens than with Falwell — despite being on the opposite side of the fence from him on more than a couple issues. So that may bias me in his favor but I think the real reason to pick him in this fight would be his drinking. A man with the sort of drinking experience he has professed would likely have some good bar fighting experience, so I am giving him the edge. Besides, I find people who bluster in Falwell’s fashion tend to be cowards if challenged physically. For all his fire and brimstone hate speeches against homosexuals I think Falwell would have offered to suck a dick to avoid a beating and maybe even been thankful for the excuse to do it.

What is the most bizarre assumption that someone has made about you simply because of your mods?

That might be a hard one to narrow down. How about that I am Irish or a Jets fan? Those two kind of caught me off guard at the time. I am pretty sure the people making them thought it was paint and not tattoo at the time though.

Thinking of trying to insert any other power tools into your head via your nose?

Lizard: Always, and other orifices. The thing about me going into a hardware store, or any other store, is that I am always thinking about the show. I pick up all sorts of stuff and wonder if I can balance it, or swallow it, or fit it up my nose. I wonder how it might look onstage or what else it could be used for in the show. On tour you can often find me juggling toilet plungers in dollar stores or doing impromptu demonstrations in home depot for the sales clerks.

Many of the funnier bits and more unusual objects in my repertoire come from these improv moments and demos. The fork I currently put my nose as part of my blockhead routine comes from the Orlando alehouse. It was last year at Horror Nights in Universal when one night after finishing up we went over there for a couple beers and someone asked about show. As more and more people got involved, a few of them expressed disbelief and were convinced I was putting them on. So, I took a fork off the table and worked it into my skull to prove that the blockhead is real.

What is the meaning of life? Also, all things equal (cost, upkeep, feeding, and so on), would you rather have a helper monkey, or a helper robot?

Lizard: I am not at all convinced that life has a meaning and that the question isn’t simply an artifact of the defects of language. Meaning to me is primarily representative of part of the process by which we use symbols of various sorts to represent, and not a property of things. Also, searching for a meaning to life seems to very heavily imply that life is a more like a noun than a verb and my position would be the latter rather than the former.

As to your second question, I have to go with the robot — mainly for customization of appearance and design. If I so desired I could make it a robot monkey.

I really should be heading to the gym then off to Austin for the punk show, but I wanted to share some videos, of which, the first one needs a bit of setup before viewing.

The Story: While on vacation in LaPaz Mexico at the 2005 BMEfest my friend Cere presented me with a very foolish challenge. NOT, “I can drink more that you” With his sheer size at the time, this would have been a losing battle on my part. NO the challenge was, “I bet you can’t make me puke!” Seriously? He was under the impression that I could not feed him enough alcohol as to make him vomit. LOL You know, I’m usually up for any reasonable, and some pretty unreasonable challenges, but this one was just too easy. His small glasses of scotch just kept getting bigger and bigger and his water backs, soon turning into vodka. Poor guy never knew what hit him.

Now that you have the story, thanks definitely need to go to the rest of the evil doers. Mainly of course would be Brian. He recorded the audio while driving us back to the house. Oh and one other side note, up until this point, Cere had been well known for drawing on people while they were passed out drunk, so it was only fair he got a taste of his own medicine …enjoy:

This second video I stumbled upon while surfing the net at the gym. I really don’t think this needs a setup, but I will toss in my 2 cents and give a back story. First, is this story true? Most likely, but I have a lot of trouble believing this girl Em was his “girlfriend” at least in the sense that I use the word. I have traveled quite a bit and even girls that I was just casually dating always knew where I was going. Secondly, when someone disappears, wouldn’t your first thought be, “Are they OK?” My first thought would be to make sure that nothing bad had happened to the person, but then again that’s just me.

Now that said, I will tell this story. When I was 16 years old I was hanging out with this pretty blonde girl. I would give a name but I can’t remember it. I say “hanging out” because I’m not sure if we were even dating. to the best of my knowledge if there was any physical interaction with us, it was kissing at best, but that was 24 years ago and I can’t really remember. Anyway, one night she went out with a friend of hers to the Stark Club (Very famous club from the 80′s) while I proceeded to get drunk at the Twilight Room. (Punk Club) Very long story short, my friends convinced me that she was fucking this other guy and in my stupid drunken state I not only went to the Stark Club looking for her/him. I made multiple phone calls to her house and left messages on her answering machine about how I KNEW she was fucking this guy. The irony? He was gay and she had gone home early. Surprisingly, she never wanted to speak to me again. Go figure

And this last video? Well it needs no explanation or setup.

And this? Hello Kitty Vader is just awesome..that is all…

Sorry for the delays on posting a new blog. Between work, school and suspensions I’ve been pulling long hours so I’ve been slacking on this blog. Well, I have actually written two other blogs, but they were never finished and may never see the light of day…who knows.

First Current Events
Two tragic deaths this week
John Hughes 1950-2009
and
Veronica Hoffman 1979-2009

John Hughes…now unless you have been living under a rock, I’m sure you know of John Hughes and his films, or at least the ones from the 1980′s. Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, just to name a few. Cinematic masterpieces? No far from it, but one of his films is very important to me. If you know me very well, you probably know that Weird Science is my all time favorite movie. (Yes, I can quote the entire movie from beginning to end) “Are you fucking serious?” Yes I am. “Why?” Well that’s a long story, that I might tell you if you buy me a drink sometime.

Veronica Hoffman…you probably don’t know her, but she was a friend of mine. Usually I’m fairly well spoken individual, but when it comes to death, especially suicide I’m often at a loss for words. So instead or trying to say the right thing, I will just post couple of photos. The first I shot of Veronica in a hotel in San Francisco a few years back and the second was shot by someone else at a party that same weekend. You can also read a short article about her on thefetishistas.com.

Me, Athena, Jody and Veronica
Veronica you will be missed!

***

…and in Suspension News
New Gilson Hooks
and
The Horsemen

Steve Haworth has recently added an amazing new feature to the Gilson Hooks. A carriage bolt with a wing nut: (Thanks to Matte for giving Steve the idea)

Oh happy day, no more tools to secure the hooks. He’s even put together a nice little direct hook/shackle/rig design that eliminates the need for a secondary rigging rope. All very good news for suspension safety.

I know many of you are looking at the above photo, reading the description and saying, “Do, Hunh, Wha?” It’s ok I will explain. In the world of suspension we have been using fishhooks for years. Yes, debarbed stainless steel fishing hooks…and the hooks have always been the weakest point. “Not the skin, doesn’t that rip?” Well, yes the skin is the one difficult variable, but contrary to what you might think, the skin is actually stronger than most hooks. Plus, hooks are open on one side. Not only are they weak, they can fall out. These new hooks take care of both issues! Interested in buying some. Well then, hop on over to Ebay and pick up a pair. BTW, this author is TOTALLY NOT RESPONSIBLE for misuse of the product. In fact, don’t hang from hooks without seeking professional help. Yes, pun intended there

And lastly, The Horsemen came out on DVD last week. Um, what can I say. If you are a producing a feature film, underground flick, TV show, over even a little youtube video and you want people hanging from hooks in it. Please just send me a message or contact one of the groups on suspension.org I know I’m just jaded, but I hate it when suspensions look so fake. As I remember the special effects guys of The Cell were paid $20,000 to do show a quick little clip of someone hanging in a rubber suit. Hello Hollywood, we will do it for less than that, and it will look real Actually, nix that last statement, you should pay us the $20,000 plus hazard pay. I kid…well kinda.

As for the movie, it was ok. The story line really didn’t seem to go anywhere and the ending was bit contrived, but overall I would say it was entertaining. On that note though, unless you are really interested in seeing every Ziyi Zhang movie, just skip it and go rent a John Hughes film…ok maybe not Beethoven’s 5th…stick to the 80′s and you’ll prolly be a happy camper.

National Lampoon’s Vacation
Cousin Vicki: I’m going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I’m the best at it.

Dead? Are you sure? Dead like Elvis? Like Paul McCartney? (For those of you who don’t remember the story, the Beatles’s Paul McCartney died in 1966 and was replaced by an impostor) …or was he? Let’s face it, the rich, famous and powerful have been doing bizarre things for as long as anyone can remember. Faking your own death for fun and profit is nothing new…not by a long shot. So the question stands. Is he really dead?

Yes, MJ is dead. I’m sure you didn’t come here to read that. By now everyone in the western world has heard and it wont be long before the fanatics break out in all night candle lit vigils singing off key versions of his songs. Then of course the books, documentaries and movies will start rolling out covering the gambit of “He was the greatest singer/song writer to crazy body dysmorphic pedophile.” Plus it wont be long before the tattoos start appearing.

The King of Pop portraits will be popping up everywhere over the next few days. Let’s also not forget that Halloween is only 4 months away. There will be Michael Jacksons EVERYWHERE, old MJs, young MJs, black MJs, white MJs, and of course dead MJs. And the thrillers dances, if not on All Hallows Eve, there will at the very least a new world record set for Thrill the world.

BUT I digress, last night I overheard a remark that I’m sure was made in jest, but there is a chance, as slight as it might be, that the whole thing is a hoax. Think about it. Michael is poised for a huge comeback, but was he really ready to re-enter the public eye. There are rumors of pending lawsuits and I’m sure plenty of new dirty little secrets ready to be released to the public. Plus, the headlines are already reading the he died in debt, but his unreleased material is worth a fortune. In death he is worth far more than he could ever be alive.

What if MJ is not actually dead but presently undergoing some kind of top-secret plastic surgery overhaul. He could come out of it as a creepier Michael, something new and weird we’ve never seen. OR he could make the transformation into a completely new person to disappear into obscurity. Truth be told, I think he’s dead. But what if? (Image above from the Cyclops Kitten Story)