Hooker Life

July is upon us and Super Summer has arrived. (Super Summer = Scorching Days and Hot Sweaty Nights) So the question is, how do we get some relief from the heat. Floating in a body of water holding a brightly colored cocktail is a good daytime option. As for the nights, well there are so many good events that’s it hard to make it out to everything. Two that jump out immediately are:

07.11 – SUNDAY Angela Ryan’s Birthday Bash – and – Grotesque Burlesque FRIDAY – 07.16

We’ve even heard rumor that a guillotine will be in use at Angela’s shindig. Intriguing to say least. However, the true nature of this blog is to bring your attention to a more mainstream heat retreat. A place where the real vampires spend their days in darkness and man’s greatest invention (air conditioning) rules supreme. We are of course talking about the ultimate summer past time, the movies. As you well know, the theaters are jammed with mediocre box office hits. Just do a simple Google search you will find plenty to rot you brain, but don’t despair my droogies. There is hope.

For the 9th time our fair city is playing host to the Asian Film Festival of Dallas. There are of course many cinematic masterpieces to choose from, but one film shines above all others. This years must see is a little gem called Robogeisha. If you were a fan of The Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police, then Robogeisha should be equally pleasing to the senses. Geisha is….

As the sun arose over The Cedars of South Dallas, naked patrons covered in orange paint began to stir from their restless slumber. The noise may have stopped but those that attended would soon never forget. It was a succesful night of sights and sounds …and tomorrow they return again for another sonic onslaught:

Untitled Noise Show #1

From the promoters: “More of the same. If you liked the all night harsh beauty of No Silence No Sleep you’ll love Friday’s event. Interactive art and performance is encouraged. Stay as long as you wish or can endure, I have the keys. $5 for an incredible night of radical self expression, come on folks, need I say more? If you don’t come I’ll f@#*ing kill you.”

No Silence No Sleep
1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8

Now of course we know that you already have your Foreigner/Styx/Kansas tickets. Yes we’re all excited that Jimmy Buffet and Rick Springfield are coming very soon. Plus, could it be, Eddie Money in concert!?! Wait, is he still alive? Hmmmm, guess so. Check, check and double check!!!! Well, if you’re not all concert-ated out, there are couple of live bands that are definitely worth adding to your nightly lurking schedule.

First up, the always amazing Captured by Robots! Poor J-Bot’s never ending torments will be returning once again to our finest of finery live music venues, The Double Wide. Come Saturday May 15th to revel in the excruciating agony that is the life of a slave living in robotic overlord servitude.

Speaking of agony, remember the days when skin tight spandex pants and makeup were part of your man’s standard weekend attire? (OK for some of us, that hasn’t changed, but you get the point) Remember that time when Poison was cool and Brett Micheals still had all his hair. (Come on Brett, that bandanna’s not fooling anyone…and for that matter was Poison ever cool?) Well folks, the glory days of Hair Metal are back. On Thursday May 20th Steel Panther will be bringing it to the House of Blues with a vengeance!

Are they serious? Are they a joke? Well folks, watch one of their videos and decide for yourself: (BTW it might be NSFW, but if you are working and reading this blog, you should already be ashamed of yourself anyway)

Information becomes a distraction, a diversion, a form of entertainment, rather than a tool of empowerment, rather than the means of emancipation

-Obama

The video below is MUST see. I love my crazy friends! My hat goes off to Jesse and the AGRO crew for pulling off this mini bike suspension. Enjoy:

In other news, we just got in 800 needles from Industrial Strength Needles. I can’t even express how thankful I am to have Maria and her team supporting the suspension community. If you work in the tattoo/piercing industry, you should give your business to IS Needles! Even in this bad economy, they have gone out of their way to donate supplies to us!

Yesterday, we made a rather landmark purchase. It cost a pretty penny, but we now own a dynamometer. We even spent the extra money to purchase the software that goes along with it. So what does this mean? Now we can test suspension equipment by pushing it until it fails. Plus with the software we can record, in real time, the forces exerted during a suspension! The company even told us, that if we record video we can sync the dyno’s readings with the video. If I remember correctly, the software takes 24 measurements per second! Holy crap I’m excited to see what kind of results we will get.

And in final news, we are placed a giant rope order for the upcoming Dallas Suscon. In previous years we’ve only had a few choices of rope. This year we will have a selection of ropes for people to compare side by side: (MBS=minimum breaking strength)

1/8″ Tech 12 (600′) – MBS: 2500 pounds

1/8″ Amsteel Blue (600′) – MBS: 2300 pounds

1/8″ Amsteel Gray (600′) – MBS: 1600 pounds

4mm Accessory Cord (646′) – MBS:1056 pounds

7 strand Paracord (1200′) – MBS: 550 pounds

OK I must admit I saw these videos on Tosh.0 …but the Black Betty video is just too funny and I had to share. For this to make sense you really have to watch the first video. Well, you don’t have to. Enjoy:

So much is going on in the world of suspension right now. First of all, I finally made an announcement that the Dallas Suscon will happen again in 2010. It is scheduled for April 2-4 of 2010. The event will be similar to last year, including the big Freaks and Fetish opening party that will feature some amazing acts that Dallas has never seen.

In more recent news. Emrys and Bella from Rites of Passage just appeared on the National Geographic network last weekend. The show was entitled Humanly Impossible. The segment was short, but the science they describe pretty much hits the nail on the head when it comes to the biology and brain chemistry that surrounds suspension:

Those of you that keep up with this blog know that I’ve been promoting the Hellzapoppin sideshow coming to Dallas Thursday December 17th. Presently I’ve been focusing on the Lizardman and his book that he will be selling at the show, but I wanted to make a special shout out for another Hellzapoppin performer, the World Famous Penguin Boy. This last Monday I had the honor of hanging him for his first suspension. Photos never really show the how well people suspend, but I can assure you he hung like a pro:

And speaking about someone that hangs like a champ. Holy shit! Two days ago I opened my email to find a link to this video of Neil from the Houston AGRO team. This, my friends, is in my opinion one of the most impressive suspensions to date. Trust my folks, this is definitely one of those DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME moments:

From Neil: “This would not have happened without the help of so many of my close friends.  Arwen Rosa, Joe Amato, Tim Taylor, Kenny Hughes, Kieran Diedrich, Jill Coudray, Nicola Sands, Rick Pierceall, Miss Ouch, Roel Moreno, CoRE, AGRO, DHS, SMS, everyone who hung from me, and several others who I’m sure I forgot to mention.  I couldn’t have done this shit without help from all of them.”

People have asked if this was the first one point resurrection. Actually the first to my knowledge was done by Alice from Constant Elevation at the 2008 Oslo Suscon photo below:

Update 09/12/11: I can’t believe I forgot about Damien who was hung by Hanged Man Suspension Team in Australia. He did a single point resurrection back in early 2009, I believe.

This next video is also Damien suspending from his forearms, doing some VERY impressive aerial flips.  The clip is from a show entitled “Live Bait. ” Interesting side note, there are some old TSD button work shirts out there, circa 1998, with graphic of a doctor performing surgery holding a hook. The caption on the shirt is “Live Bait”

He may not have been the first to pull of the one point resurrection, but the tandem seen below is, I believe was a first. Yes, that’s Neil again doing a superman with 3 people hanging off him from their knees. Think that’s impressive? What you may not know is that not only was this after the one point suspension you see in the video, he also had several other people hang from him as well this day. I’m not even sure how many in total.

Man I love the suspension community …you guys never cease to amaze me!!

I really should be heading to the gym then off to Austin for the punk show, but I wanted to share some videos, of which, the first one needs a bit of setup before viewing.

The Story: While on vacation in LaPaz Mexico at the 2005 BMEfest my friend Cere presented me with a very foolish challenge. NOT, “I can drink more that you” With his sheer size at the time, this would have been a losing battle on my part. NO the challenge was, “I bet you can’t make me puke!” Seriously? He was under the impression that I could not feed him enough alcohol as to make him vomit. LOL You know, I’m usually up for any reasonable, and some pretty unreasonable challenges, but this one was just too easy. His small glasses of scotch just kept getting bigger and bigger and his water backs, soon turning into vodka. Poor guy never knew what hit him.

Now that you have the story, thanks definitely need to go to the rest of the evil doers. Mainly of course would be Brian. He recorded the audio while driving us back to the house. Oh and one other side note, up until this point, Cere had been well known for drawing on people while they were passed out drunk, so it was only fair he got a taste of his own medicine …enjoy:

This second video I stumbled upon while surfing the net at the gym. I really don’t think this needs a setup, but I will toss in my 2 cents and give a back story. First, is this story true? Most likely, but I have a lot of trouble believing this girl Em was his “girlfriend” at least in the sense that I use the word. I have traveled quite a bit and even girls that I was just casually dating always knew where I was going. Secondly, when someone disappears, wouldn’t your first thought be, “Are they OK?” My first thought would be to make sure that nothing bad had happened to the person, but then again that’s just me.

Now that said, I will tell this story. When I was 16 years old I was hanging out with this pretty blonde girl. I would give a name but I can’t remember it. I say “hanging out” because I’m not sure if we were even dating. to the best of my knowledge if there was any physical interaction with us, it was kissing at best, but that was 24 years ago and I can’t really remember. Anyway, one night she went out with a friend of hers to the Stark Club (Very famous club from the 80′s) while I proceeded to get drunk at the Twilight Room. (Punk Club) Very long story short, my friends convinced me that she was fucking this other guy and in my stupid drunken state I not only went to the Stark Club looking for her/him. I made multiple phone calls to her house and left messages on her answering machine about how I KNEW she was fucking this guy. The irony? He was gay and she had gone home early. Surprisingly, she never wanted to speak to me again. Go figure

And this last video? Well it needs no explanation or setup.

And this? Hello Kitty Vader is just awesome..that is all…

Sorry for the delays on posting a new blog. Between work, school and suspensions I’ve been pulling long hours so I’ve been slacking on this blog. Well, I have actually written two other blogs, but they were never finished and may never see the light of day…who knows.

First Current Events
Two tragic deaths this week
John Hughes 1950-2009
and
Veronica Hoffman 1979-2009

John Hughes…now unless you have been living under a rock, I’m sure you know of John Hughes and his films, or at least the ones from the 1980′s. Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, just to name a few. Cinematic masterpieces? No far from it, but one of his films is very important to me. If you know me very well, you probably know that Weird Science is my all time favorite movie. (Yes, I can quote the entire movie from beginning to end) “Are you fucking serious?” Yes I am. “Why?” Well that’s a long story, that I might tell you if you buy me a drink sometime.

Veronica Hoffman…you probably don’t know her, but she was a friend of mine. Usually I’m fairly well spoken individual, but when it comes to death, especially suicide I’m often at a loss for words. So instead or trying to say the right thing, I will just post couple of photos. The first I shot of Veronica in a hotel in San Francisco a few years back and the second was shot by someone else at a party that same weekend. You can also read a short article about her on thefetishistas.com.

Me, Athena, Jody and Veronica
Veronica you will be missed!

***

…and in Suspension News
New Gilson Hooks
and
The Horsemen

Steve Haworth has recently added an amazing new feature to the Gilson Hooks. A carriage bolt with a wing nut: (Thanks to Matte for giving Steve the idea)

Oh happy day, no more tools to secure the hooks. He’s even put together a nice little direct hook/shackle/rig design that eliminates the need for a secondary rigging rope. All very good news for suspension safety.

I know many of you are looking at the above photo, reading the description and saying, “Do, Hunh, Wha?” It’s ok I will explain. In the world of suspension we have been using fishhooks for years. Yes, debarbed stainless steel fishing hooks…and the hooks have always been the weakest point. “Not the skin, doesn’t that rip?” Well, yes the skin is the one difficult variable, but contrary to what you might think, the skin is actually stronger than most hooks. Plus, hooks are open on one side. Not only are they weak, they can fall out. These new hooks take care of both issues! Interested in buying some. Well then, hop on over to Ebay and pick up a pair. BTW, this author is TOTALLY NOT RESPONSIBLE for misuse of the product. In fact, don’t hang from hooks without seeking professional help. Yes, pun intended there

And lastly, The Horsemen came out on DVD last week. Um, what can I say. If you are a producing a feature film, underground flick, TV show, over even a little youtube video and you want people hanging from hooks in it. Please just send me a message or contact one of the groups on suspension.org I know I’m just jaded, but I hate it when suspensions look so fake. As I remember the special effects guys of The Cell were paid $20,000 to do show a quick little clip of someone hanging in a rubber suit. Hello Hollywood, we will do it for less than that, and it will look real Actually, nix that last statement, you should pay us the $20,000 plus hazard pay. I kid…well kinda.

As for the movie, it was ok. The story line really didn’t seem to go anywhere and the ending was bit contrived, but overall I would say it was entertaining. On that note though, unless you are really interested in seeing every Ziyi Zhang movie, just skip it and go rent a John Hughes film…ok maybe not Beethoven’s 5th…stick to the 80′s and you’ll prolly be a happy camper.

National Lampoon’s Vacation
Cousin Vicki: I’m going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I’m the best at it.

With my 40th Birthday right around the corner I’ve been thinking a lot about my life. There comes a time when you realize your actions effect much more than just you in the here and now. If you live a full life your accomplishments, good or bad, should live WAY beyond you. I guess everyone experiences their midlife crisis in a different way. Strangely, mine is the realization that I need to do more for the world and less for myself. Isn’t that’s backwards from most people? Don’t middle aged men normally engage in more selfish activities like buying a sports cars and dating women half their age? …well, I have already done plenty of that over the years …so really it’s hard to complain.

BAD RELIGION – NEW AMERICA

We are just marching toward extinction
with blinders on our eyes
Jeopardizing everything
we’ve learned and come to realize
you call that wise?
Open your eyes America!

***

Hope to see everyone on Friday

Lately the stress of putting together the Dallas Suspension Convention, promoting my 40th Birthday Shindig, working full time and going to school has been killing me. Last night I decided to blow of some steam and went to the Devo concert. Yep they are still around and in fact they are putting out a new album. At first when I heard the new material last night I was thinking…hmm maybe I just don’t remember this one. BUT then when the lyrics were "Don’t tase me bro" I knew it had to be something new. Anyway I’ve compiled a bunch of different video clips for your viewing pleasure…and no Whip It is not here. If you want to hear that tired old song, just google it.

As far as I know this is the newest video they have out. It’s a commercial done for Dell and it’s one of the reasons for the reformation and new album.


Watch us work it

This little gem is sort of Devo. It’s actually The Wipeouters. It’s Mark, the two Bobs and a guy named Josh Mancell. I don’t really know too much about this incarnation, but they claim it’s a formerly fictional band that launched the spin-off known as Devo.

Devo as "The Wipeouters"

…and now a step back in time. There are lots of old Devo videos out there. I picked this one because it was OK quality and it’s 31 years old.


Gut Feeling/Slap Your Mammy 1978

I’m not sure what the oldest Devo is, but this one is definitely from back in the day. I did find an older Mongoloid video, but I’m not sure if was an official video and it was boring so I skipped it


Jocko Homo

Usually I’m not a fan of covers. Well, actually that’s not true, I just think for the most part covers are either poorly done or bands change it too much and it’s not any good. Well, Devo is one of those exceptions where I like their Satisfaction cover. Mainly because I don’t see it as a cover song. Other than some of the words, it’s really a completely different tune.



Satisfaction

Now were are starting to enter the more commercial phase of Devo videos. At the time this came out I though it was very cool and even a bit shocking. Looking back now it’s just silly, but when I was 12 this was totally bizarre.


Freedom Of Choice

This next 2 videos come from the New Traditionalists album, which in my opinion is when they really were at their best. There might be a videos for Jerkin Back and Forth and Working in a Coal Mine (best known for being on the Heavy Metal soundtrack) but I couldn’t find them.

I can’t seem to get this video to work so here is the link to the video:

Through Being Cool

Beautiful World

I’m just going to lump the next 2 videos together. MTV was still an infant and Devo was one of those bands that was putting everything they could think of into their videos. Both were very cutting edge for the time.


That's Good

Peek-A-Boo!

Last but not least…OK maybe definitely the least. This Jimi Hendrix cover is kind of sad. You can’t blame the guys for trying to be experimental, but it was songs/video like this that kind of killed the band.

R U Experienced

There were a few other videos done by the band, but some just weren’t that good like Girl U Want and others like Time for Fun just isn’t a great song. Of course there are tons of live videos and such but really i just wanted to share the rare weirdness and vision of Devolution