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On December 17th Hellzapoppin will be performing at The Church Dallas Who or what is that? Simply put it’s a touring circus side show featuring: Bryce Graves, Lady Daibla, Penguin Boy, Zamora the Torture King, and the world famous Lizardman. Why should you attend this show?
Well other than supporting some of our friends and freaks, you will also get a chance to pick up a limited edition of the The Lizardman’s book: Through the Modified Looking Glass It’s a great read and as a support for The Lizardman I will be posting random excerpts from the book. Below is a collection from the Q&A chapter of the book: |
If you were to run for president what would your policies be?
My policies would be enough to make sure I never got elected, or at least ensure my assassination. Rather than address the myriad of issues a presidential candidate must formulate policy on, I will simply put forth one I think is most important to our future and also the one least likely to happen (which is unfortunate since I consider it absolutely necessary):
The abolishment of the legal status of corporations as individuals and/or entities in terms of liability or action. I would demand that all businesses ‘have face(s) put to them’ such that there was direct and obvious culpability for any and all operations.
Who do you think would win in a fist fight between Jerry Falwell (if he was still alive) and Christopher Hitchens?
I would certainly have more points of agreement with Hitchens than with Falwell — despite being on the opposite side of the fence from him on more than a couple issues. So that may bias me in his favor but I think the real reason to pick him in this fight would be his drinking. A man with the sort of drinking experience he has professed would likely have some good bar fighting experience, so I am giving him the edge. Besides, I find people who bluster in Falwell’s fashion tend to be cowards if challenged physically. For all his fire and brimstone hate speeches against homosexuals I think Falwell would have offered to suck a dick to avoid a beating and maybe even been thankful for the excuse to do it.
What is the most bizarre assumption that someone has made about you simply because of your mods?
That might be a hard one to narrow down. How about that I am Irish or a Jets fan? Those two kind of caught me off guard at the time. I am pretty sure the people making them thought it was paint and not tattoo at the time though.
Thinking of trying to insert any other power tools into your head via your nose?
Lizard: Always, and other orifices. The thing about me going into a hardware store, or any other store, is that I am always thinking about the show. I pick up all sorts of stuff and wonder if I can balance it, or swallow it, or fit it up my nose. I wonder how it might look onstage or what else it could be used for in the show. On tour you can often find me juggling toilet plungers in dollar stores or doing impromptu demonstrations in home depot for the sales clerks.
Many of the funnier bits and more unusual objects in my repertoire come from these improv moments and demos. The fork I currently put my nose as part of my blockhead routine comes from the Orlando alehouse. It was last year at Horror Nights in Universal when one night after finishing up we went over there for a couple beers and someone asked about show. As more and more people got involved, a few of them expressed disbelief and were convinced I was putting them on. So, I took a fork off the table and worked it into my skull to prove that the blockhead is real.
What is the meaning of life? Also, all things equal (cost, upkeep, feeding, and so on), would you rather have a helper monkey, or a helper robot?
Lizard: I am not at all convinced that life has a meaning and that the question isn’t simply an artifact of the defects of language. Meaning to me is primarily representative of part of the process by which we use symbols of various sorts to represent, and not a property of things. Also, searching for a meaning to life seems to very heavily imply that life is a more like a noun than a verb and my position would be the latter rather than the former.
As to your second question, I have to go with the robot — mainly for customization of appearance and design. If I so desired I could make it a robot monkey.